The Order Goes Loco ~ by EmBot

Okay, this chapter, sadly, is monkey themed. Come on. Who wouldn't want to write a monkey themed chapter?

I dedicate this chapter to the biggest monkey of them all: Mickey Monkey
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Chapter Six: That Funky Monkey
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Happy days came after for the Order of the Phoenix. Thankfully, no one had asked any questions about Snape's disappearance into Diagonilley. It was a difficult thing to talk about. The Order, unfortunately, had no time for monkey business anymore. They needed to get serious.

"Bye, Patsy, Joe, Steve. Bye Bananas!" shouted Harry Potter to the mournful monkeys rolling out of the room in their barrel.

"Who's more fun than a barrel of monkeys?" asked Remus, teary-eyed.

They all tried to come up with a list, but couldn't come up with many answers. They watched the monkey barrel roll out into the distance and into the sunset.

"This is like the time my pony died," Snape said quietly.

"What happened to your pony?" Minerva asked gently.

"Well, my grandmother needed a liver..."

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The Lair of Voldemort

Our dear Tommy Boy was enjoying a nice cup of lemonade. Not just any cup of lemonade either, but STRAWBERRY lemonade. SMUCKERS STRAWBERRY LEMONADE. Our dear Tommy Boy took great pride in his artificially flavored water. But something, a sight so amazingly amazing, made him throw down his glass of lemonade and shout a cry of pure elation.

"PEEK-A-BOO! I SEE YOU!" he shouted to a barrel rolling down the street.

He summoned the barrel over to him and out popped four monkeys. They had nametags: Patsy, Joe, Steve, and Bananas. Bananas. Bananas the monkey. It was genius. They were genius. They were perfect for another one of his half-brained schemes.

"I know," he said happily to Wormtail, who was standing nearby. "I'll put wings on them and have them capture Harry Potter and bring him to my evil lair."

Voldemort laughed a laugh that any evil anime villain would have been proud of.

"My Lord," Wormtail said, rolling his eyes. "It's been done before."

"La-la-la," said Tommy, hands over his ears. "I can't hear you..."

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The Order was now sitting around in a circle, when they noticed that Bananas the monkey was frantically trying to get into the room. Silly Bananas...

"Oy, look!" shouted Harry. "It's Bananas!"

Stupidly Harry let the monkey in. Bananas was confused. He didn't know what to do. Should he capture Harry? Should he obey Voldemort? or should he tell the Order about Voldemorts evil plot? It was a hard decision. Too hard for a simple monkey like Bananas. Bananas blew up into a thousand little itty bitty pieces.

"That's it. Old Voldie's finally gone bananas! Had to take ideas from a silly muggle play, did he?" Sirius barked, causing everyone to jump.

"Huzzah!" screamed Remus Lupin, like an itty bitty wittle guwl.

"Um, sure." Alastor said.

Most of the Order was backing away slowly. They were beginning to get frightened. Very frightened. Then everyone froze. A faint noise was coming from outside. It sounded like music. Dumbledore walked over to the window and pushed it open to witness a terrible sight.

"Here we come,

Walkin' Down the street.

We get the funniest looks from

Ev'ry one we meet."

It was the Death Eaters. Walking down the street. Singing The Monkees Theme. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

"Hey, hey, we're the Monkees

And people say we monkey around.

But we're too busy singing

To put anybody down."

Remus Lupin was starting to dance. Minerva was starting to hyperventilate. Albus simply walked up to those rascals, and slapped our dear Tommy in the face.

"Hey boy!" he screamed. "What's with the theme song?"

"Sing it boys!" Voldie shrieked, giggling madly.

"We go wherever we want to,

do what we like to do

We don't have time to get restless,

There's always something new."

"No. Seriously, Tommy. What's with the song?"

"Oh," Voldie's red eyes flashed, "The song. Well, Albus, you might not be aware of this but right now, your boy Harry is being carried to my lair by a monkey named Bananas."

Dumbledore smiled. "No he's not."

"Oh, yes he is."

Harry popped out of the crowd. Voldemort screamed.

"I'll kill those monkeys! I will!"

The Order just laughed at the pathetic Death Eaters. Snape was conveniently taking a dump in the John. Otherwise...well, you know the story.

"Tommy Boy!" Albus yelled. "I challenge you and your crew to a challenge!"

"A challenge?"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees. A challenge. To find the ELUSIVE BRASS MONKEY?"

"That funky monkey?" Sirius inquired.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees."

"Stop, that Albus."

"Y'okay."

Voldemort considered this. If he accepted this could mean tribal rights, and a trip to the Bahamas. Not to mention his very own ELUSIVE BRASS MONKEY.

"You're on."

"Tuesday. 8 PM. Hogwarts Castle. Don't be late."

"Oh, I won't be, my good fellow." Voldemort cackled. "I will prevail!"

The Death Eaters left the street singing their newly adopted theme song.

"Hey, hey, we're the Monkees

And people say we monkey around.

But we're too busy singing

To put anybody down.

We're just tryin' to be friendly,

Come and watch us sing and play,

We're the young gneration,

And we've got something to say..."

"So, what was with the song again?" Tonks asked.

"No idea," Dedalus sympathized.

"Crazy weirdos." muttered Alastor.

"Think what would happen if we had a theme song." Sirius said, "Total madness."

Too bad Albus had heard that part. And you all know Albus. The wheels in his head started spinning. That funky monkey.

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