The Order Goes Loco ~ by EmBot

And now.a tribute to my reviewers from everybody's favorite Potions Master, Professor Snape.

Emily: (jabs Snape with a long stick)

Snape: *ahem* On behalf of the council of the Destruction of Egg Beaters, of which I am an honorary member for reasons unbeknownst to me or anyone else, I hereby sing to you a tribute because, knowing Emily, she could probably write a disturbing hardcore slash fiction in here, involving Remus Lupin and me, and, really, we don't want that.at least I don't want that.

*Snape falters at the microphone, having had no time to prepare*

Snape: Er.Hit it Bill.

*Bill (the New Yorker.not the Weasley) begins to play a piano fanfare, and winks at the audience which is scared of his blue hair*

Snape: Um.

*sings*

Reviewers are.cool

That is a word you should never ever use at Hogwarts School

Unless you want to fail.miserably

Because of me

Um.back to reviewers

They don't come from the sewer

That was those weird Turtle things

Bill: *shouts* Emily had a crush on Michelangelo!

Emily: *sings* No I didn't, that was Smeagol!

Smeagol: *sings, in a stunningly good voice*

The point we're trying to make here

Is not that we all had too much beer

It's that reviewers are great

I want to take them all out on a date

*reviewers hide*

Snape: Hey, wasn't this supposed to be my song?

Emily: Sorry, man. Smeagol just fit. You.didn't. You kind of suck.

Snape: Whatever.

*Piano Solo Ends*
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Chapter Eight: Good Old New Age Therapy
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The Order and Death Eaters stood eyeing each other menacingly, until suddenly Professor Flitwick came out of what looked to be a secret underground passage. He had on banana yellow robes, and was carrying an old and battered piece of parchment. He cleared his throat.

"Your search for the ELUSIVE BRASS MONKEY, my weary travelers, begins here. The journey to the ELUSIVE BRASS MONKEY will be a long and hard one. And now to introduce your host, Ryan Seacrest!"

An annoying blond man fell out of the sky and onto the stone floor. Flitwick handed the parchment to him, winked at everybody, and randomly disappeared.

"Um.hi, I'm Ryan Seacrest.and I have no idea where I am. I was attacked brutally by a bunch of random monkeys and they brought me here." He looked up at Albus. "Hey, didn't I see you in a movie once? I like movies. Movies are cool because you can watch them, and if you put your cell phone on silent during it, you can still text message even though you are technically supposed to turn them off, but it's okay because no one will hear it if it's on silent."

Everyone just stared at him.

"Yeah, so if I didn't mention it before, my name is Ryan Seacrest, and I really, really need to use the restroom so if you could just point me in the right direction."

Everyone just stared at him.

"Um.maybe not."

Suddenly, the room started to shake and out of the sky fell six figures. They fell on top of Ryan with a loud THUD! and made sure to step on him as they got up, rendering him unconscious. Bellatrix Lestrange, holding up Roldolphus, nodded at Emily.

"Thank you for the use of your parachuting baboons, Em," she said sincerely.

"No problem," said Emily, staring at the red glare on the wall from Voldie's eyes with mild interest. "And my compensation?"

Snape looked disgusted. Everybody else raised an eyebrow. They stood there for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Snape removed his socks, put them into a plastic ziplock bag, and handed them to Emily. Emily laughed maniacally, and threw them into a bin with lots of other socks in it. The Order and Death Eaters laughed good-naturedly, and Emily flashed a dazzling grimace.

"Now," said Voldemort, "that you have succeeded in getting rid of the host, what should we do?"

"Well, look for the monkey, of course ," said Emily wisely.

"Good idea," said Sirius.

They waited patiently for the group that had come by way of baboon to join their crowd. Bellatrix, Gollum and Emily exchanged looks with Snape, who had no idea what he was doing. Suddenly, Roldolphus who had slightly regained the power of speech said.

"Lithen guyth. We haf to, you know, form our own wittle team. If thath ok with you."

The others nodded furiously in the background. The Order, and Eaters looked disgusted.

"Whatever," said Voldie, wanting to barf. "What's you guys' creative name?"

"Uh.," said Snape. "The Council for the Destruction of Egg Beaters, of course."

Emily grinned. The groups started making the way for the exit, one at a time. First went the Order, and then went the Death Eaters. The others were right about to enter when Hermione said,

"Do we really want to do this?"

They all shook their heads.

"Let's go out for a crappy pizza," said Emily.

They all muttered their consents, and Smeagol's eyes glazed over.

"You're paying, Snape."

"Oh, what ."

Meanwhile, deep under Hogwarts School .

Sirius Black fell onto a soft velvet cushion followed by his comrades. He looked around and realized that they were in some sort of new age therapy center. He was shocked to see Professor Trelawney come out, turn her misty gaze at them, and smile a winning smile. Actually, he was downright horrified as were most of the members of the Order.

"Albus," Dedalus asked awestruck, "What kind of school are you running?"

But Albus just smiled, and turned away, letting Trelawney speak to the group.

She began to speak, her voice barely above a whisper.

"This, my dears, is the quickest route to the ELUSIVE BRASS MONKEY. But, before you can be let through, you must undergo several.tasks."

Remus Lupin raised an eyebrow. "What kind of tasks?"

"Uh." Trelawney stuttered. "The.uh.um-we don't share that information. We have a strict confidentiality policy here."

"Holy Monkeys, Albus!" screamed Arthur Weasley. "What kind of school are you running here?"

In another chamber somewhere.

Lucius Malfoy waved his torch around at an object floating around in his face. It seemed to be a bat. The dirty walls, and dampness of this underground chamber were starting to annoy him. Lucius had just gotten his hair done the night before. He did not want to have to visit his hair stylist, Ryan, today too. Crabbe and Goyle walked next to Lord Voldemort lifting his throne high into the air. They had to admit, it was getting a bit tiring until Voldemort said,

"Death Eaters! Through that door!"

Reluctantly, Lucius pulled the silver handle to a pink door, wincing about what might have lied ahead. He and the rest of the Death Eaters walked in to see a room furnished with velvet cushions. All of the sudden, Professor Trelawney walked in, and clapped her hands together gleefully. Voldemort looked slightly uneasy.

"What kind of school is Albus running here?" he muttered to himself.

Approximately two and a half hours later.

The Death Eaters and Order walked into a spacious room, eyeing each other uneasily.

"Let's never ever discuss this. Ever," said Sirius, who was wearing a frilly dress and brandishing a pink parasol.

"I agree," said Nott, who had so much rouge smothered on he looked clown-like.

Suddenly they noticed that in the center of the room was something glorious. Something so fantastic that they would go through the creepy New Age Therapy center a hundred times just to be able to behold its captivating glory. Something that any man would surely give his life for.The ELUSIVE BRASS MONKEY.

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