Chapter Ten: Survive the Annoying Kids Next Door!
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Lucius woke up that morning in his tent, slightly worried about the prospect of the first task. After all, he wasn't very good with small annoying children. Frankly, small annoying children scared the crap out of him, but he didn't dwell on it. Instead he went into one of the bathroom stalls, and began removing his facial mask and taking the curlers out of his silky blond hair. He practiced smirking in the mirror for a few minutes and then brushed his dazzling white teeth. He continued to beautify himself, putting on some anti-wrinkle cream and apple scented hand lotion, pushing back his cuticles and painting his nails with clear nail polish. He then did his yoga tape and talked to his wife at home briefly, making sure his Pomeranian, Cuddles, was okay. He was then ready for the competition and ready to make his master proud...

At 7:55 AM, Sirius woke up, and remembered that in five minutes he would have to compete in the first task. He wasn't really worried about it. He was Sirius Black. Chicks dug him, and frankly, children loved him. He pulled on some clothes, ran a comb through his hair, and reported outside where he saw Caca tapping his foot impatiently, and Lucius running a hand through his silky golden locks. Sirius stared at him, disgusted.

"You are such a GIRL," Sirius said, annoyed.

"THAT WAS DEROGATORY!" screamed a girl from across the street.

Emily walked over, rolling her eyes. "Oh my gosh, Chrissy. Sirius wasn't being derogatory towards women. He was just stating that he was annoyed with Lucius' female tendencies. They make him nervous. Just get OVER it."

Chrissy looked shocked.

"Your feminist empowerment for dumb things like this is REALLY starting to get on my nerves," Emily said, annoyed.

"G-g...GIRL POWER!" Chrissy sputtered, and ran away to catch somebody else in the act of blatant misogyny. Caca gave Emily the thumbs up sign, and she went to order a pizza. Caca then rounded on the two men waiting for their assignment.

"In this house live three children," Caca said. "Well, they're more like spoiled teens who don't really need a babysitter, but we couldn't find anyone else, so you're stuck watching them. The Judges are impartial, and your groupmates will be watching you accomplish the task from a special television. You will not be able to speak to them. The task will end at approximately 5:00 today. Any questions?"

"Who're the judges?" Lucius asked.

Caca thought. "Well, me, of course. Then a shady character named Smeagol (Gollum?), Simon Cowell, The Real Slim Shady and the woman who recited the "Flowers" poem in Chapter Two. Her name is Sally Anne. Any other questions?"

"Can we use magic?" Sirius asked.

Caca laughed viciously. "Yeah, right. Hand over your wands."

They handed them over reluctantly and made their way towards the house, knocking on the door. They heard three sets of feet running towards the door. Sirius felt a lump in his throat as the door opened slowly.

"Are you our babysitters?" said a red-headed boy.

"Why, yes!" said Lucius.

"Come on in!" said a dark haired boy.

Sirius and Lucius walked in and placed their coats on the coat rack. These childen look vaguely familiar, they both thought as they walked into the kitchen where the three teens were eating breakfast.

"So..." Sirius said. "What're your names?"

The dark haired boy stood up, smiling like a crazed escaped convict. People everywhere found it endearing. "I'm Daniel Radcliffe!"

"Bloody hell!" said the red head. "I'm Rupert Grint!"

"And my name is Emma Watson," said a girl with brown hair.

Voldemort and Dumbledore looked suspicious back where they were watching the event unfold on television. The children looked vaguely familiar to them too.

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"Aren't those--" Voldemort started.

"No," said Caca.

"But--"

"I said no."

Meanwhile, Sirius and Lucius tried to make conversation.

"So..." Sirius said. "What do you kids like to do?"

"I love board games!" said Emma, enthusiastically.

"Let's play Sorry!" screamed Daniel.

"YES!" shouted Rupert, ecstatic.

Sirius looked rather peaky, and announced that he would get the game. On the way, he got to thinking. Who were these kids, and more importantly, what planet were they from? He got the game down, unfortunately knocking several others off the shelf. He looked around, and left them there.

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"Oh!" said Voldie. "That's MAJOR point loss!"

"You're KILLING me, Sirius," Dumbledore muttered angrily.

Voldemort and Crabbe exchanged a high-five.

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"Move forward eleven spaces..." said Rupert. He stared intently at the board.

"Um, you can move now," Lucius said.

"I'm strategizing," Rupert said knowingly.

"It's just Sorry!" Lucius shrugged.

Rupert stared at him, awestruck.

"Just Sorry?? JUST SORRY??? Are you KIDDING me?!" screamed Rupert.

"Er..." Lucius said.

"Fine!" Rupert screamed. "I don't want to play anymore. Put it away!"

Sirius smirked at Lucius and began to put the game board away.

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"Who's losing the points now hot-shot?" Dumbledore cackled madly.

"Shut UP, Albus," pouted Voldie.

Dumbledore and the Order did a team cheer.

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Back at the house, the children sat on the sofa pouting. They were obviously very bored. They kept staring in the direction of their sitters, and sighed heavily. Suddenly Daniel had an idea. A light bulb flashed above his head.

"I know!" he said, happily. "Let's play Zoo!"

Sirius looked tentative. "Zoo?"

"Yes," Daniel said. "I'll be the zookeeper. Emma will be a deer. Rupert will be an otter. Lucius will be a baboon...and Sirius will be the tiger!"

Lucius sneered at him.

"Rawr," he said, doing the tiger claw.

"Shut up!" Sirius growled.

"Nice growl!" Rupert said, approvingly.

Sirius muttered to himself, and sat in his "cage," a designated area on the carpet. He glared at Dan as he "fed" the rest of the "animals."

"I hate my life," Sirius muttered.

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The group watching the event from the television raised their eyebrows at the next scene. Remus choked on an ice cube, and Goyle fell out of his chair.

"Is somebody taping this?" Dumbledore asked, laughing.

"Oh, yeah," said Voldie, pointing at the button that was lit up on the VCR.

"Don't you wish everybody could see this?" said Remus.

"It's too bad that they can't see our TV screen," Avery remarked.

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"Do you--" Lucius started.

"I'm not talking about it," said Sirius.

"But--"

"Seriously, I don't want to even think about it," Sirius interrupted, shaking his head. "So just forget about it."

Lucius shrugged and looked determinedly away from Sirius. Emma scampered up to the men.

"Are you guys ready for the next activity?"

"What is it?" asked Lucius nervously.

"The Super Amazing Dance PARTY!" screamed Emma.

Sirius clapped a hand to his forehead.

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"I didn't know Sirius could dance like that!" said Kingsley as Disco Inferno blared on the TV speakers. "He's pretty good."

Sirius began to break dance. The Order clapped. The Death Eaters booed and jeered at him.

"You're just jealous," said Albus to Voldemort.

"Psh," said Voldie as Lucius took his place on the screen.

The beginning to Eye of the Tiger played. Lucius began waving his arms around madly, and swaying to the beat of some song that most certainly was not Eye of the Tiger.

"What's he doing?" asked Nott.

"I don't know," Voldie said. "But even I think it's funny!"

The Order and Death Eaters laughed like little school-girls for a good and long time.

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"And the winner...IS..." Rupert announced, as the others held their breath.

"SIRIUS BLACK!"

Sirius smiled, and took a bow. Daniel handed him his special trophy, a king size Chocolate bar.

"No fair!" cried Rupert.

Sirius broke off pieces and gave one to each of the children.

"Gee, thanks mister!" said Daniel.

"That was rather nice of you," said Emma.

"Don't I get any chocolate?" Lucius asked.

Sirius stuck the rest of it in his mouth. Lucius glared daggers at him. He had to think of something to win the task, when suddenly, it came to him.

"Hey, kids!" he said, excited. "You wanna make cookies?"

The children's eyes grew round. They all nodded their heads excitedly.

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"Why didn't Sirius think of that?" Dumbledore cried angrily, throwing a sock at the screen.

"Because he was too busy stuffing his face!" Voldemort cackled.

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Emma mixed the contents of the bowl while Rupert went to look for chocolate chips. Dan was busy chopping nuts into tiny pieces. Lucius sat back, clearly enjoying the fact that he had come up with a great idea.

"Bet you're not feeling so confident now, eh, Mr. Dancing Queen?" Lucius asked.

"Shut up," said Sirius, annoyed.

"You'll never beat me now, and I will be the Dark Lord's most faithful se--"

BOOM!

"Rupert!" screamed Emma. "You made a total mess! And the 'rents are coming home in"-- she checked her watch-- "five minutes!"

Lucius looked on the verge of tears. Sirius, however stood up, triumphantly and made a quick call on his cell.

"I've got it all under control, kids," he said, smiling.

Suddenly a burly man barged into the room. He had a plaid shirt and boots on, and was sporting a dazzling smile. He put down his ax and looked at the crowd.

"I can fix this!" he boomed.

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"No!" screeched Voldie. "Not him! Not...BRAWNY MAN!"

Albus laughed. "I knew it was a good idea to send everyone to his empty booth at the Celebrity Ball."

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Brawny Man threw a roll of paper towels to everyone, and they immediately started wiping everything down using Brawny Power. At the end of it all, Brawny Man stood up and said,

"For my services...you must...RIDDLE ME THIS!"

The children stared at him.

"How likely is it that your man could be seen hauling wood?"

"Very likely," Sirius said. "Especially if I had a man..."

"Goodbye all!" boomed Brawny Man. "And buy Brawny Paper Towels!"

Just then, the parents walked through the door. Lucius and Sirius walked up to the empty paper towel roll that was a portkey and were immediately transported back to the room where everyone was watching from. Caca had them sit down, and they waited for the judges comments and scores.

"Sirius," Caca said. "I give you an 8 out of 10, for your level-headedness in the face of adversity."

Gollum danced on the table and held up a 7.

"Sirius," Simon Cowell began. "You are the worst tiger I have EVER seen. 6 out of 10."

The Order Members booed.

"Yo, SB!" said the REAL Slim Shady. "I gives you 9 out of ten. Those moves be off the hizzle, dawg."

"And I," Sally Anne said in a dramatic voice. "give you an 8 out of 10."

"That brings Sirius to an average of 7.6!" Caca announced.

The Order members whooped and clapped and patted Sirius on the back.

"Now," Caca said. "for Lucius. I give Lucius 6 out of 10. He had some good ideas, but, he just wasn't very helpful."

Smeagol held up a 6.

"Lucius," Simon said. "I like your hair. 3 out of 10."

The Death Eaters booed. Lucius looked gratified at the complement.

"Big, L!" cried the REAL Slim Shady. "No props, dawg. 7 out of 10."

"I give you...a...6," Sally Anne said dreamily.

"That makes Lucius' average a whopping 5.6!"

Voldemort slapped Lucius.

"But, there is still time," said Caca. "Report next Tuesday to the Vintage High School music room, where you will sit through nine hours of the most awesomely bad songs! Until then, folks!"

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