Notes From the Staff Room ~ by EmBot

Entry #3 - February 1st
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7:15 PM

You will be pleased to know that today I have brought my two special friends with me to share the glory of penetrating the staffroom walls. Woot! I'm feeling pretty good.

He's got a new attitude.

Well, Ron, you could say that, but to put it into a more coherent sentence I think it would be more correct to say something like: Harry has gotten over the fact that he is treated like a god by the rest of the school, and not us, and has decided to stop being openly angry with us, and will probably settle for getting us in the middle of the night while—

Hermione?

Yes?

Shut up.

Anyways...today we are going to observe a Professor of a kindred sort...the one, the only...

Professor Sprout?

Professor Flitwick?

NO! Professor Lupin. You guys are really thick, you know that? Who do you think I was talking about? You guys also have no subtlety.

We have no subtlety???

What does that have to do with anything anyway?

Yeah. No subtlety at ALL, I mean...crap.

Potter. What are you doing under the staff room table?

The same could be asked of you, Professor Snape...what are you doing under the staff room table?

Fair point, Potter, fair point. I won't ask any questions of you, if you don't ask any questions of me.

Right. Go away. We will now observe the secret life of Remus J. Lupin.

Hey! He has the same middle initial as Michael J. Fox!

What does that have to with anything?

I dunno.

REMUS LUPIN is sitting over by THE WINDOW if anyone would care to notice. It looks like he's writing a letter...shall we have a closer look? Or should we stay hear and listen to the horrifying, raspy, rhythmic breathing of Professor Snape...

I think Professor Snape wants to kill us.

You always think Professor Snape wants to kill us.

You're both wrong. I merely am trying to...well...never mind that.

I'm interested...

10 points from Gryffindor.

Somehow, I knew he'd say that.

MOVING ON PEOPLE...you know what...no. You two stay here...I'LL go observe Professor Lupin.

Okay.

If you think it's best.

Get out of here.

7:23 PM—Behind an Armchair

People are SO annoying...you know? You give and you give, and people take and take...and what do I get in return? A scar on my forehead. Did I ask for the fame, the glory...the dashingly handsome and stunning looks? No. But, I got them. And really, people shouldn't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Ahem...Lupin. Right. Lupin is sitting on the couch reading a magazine (Must bend head into awkward position to see title.) Ouch. That smarts. Um...Popular Mechanics?? Well...I wasn't expecting that one. I wonder if Lupin is a mechanic in his spare time...I wonder if he took one of those TV college courses...you know...the ones that say that you can take a course to get a better career? And that you can 'even get your associate degree and manage in Business Management or Accounting'?? Wow. I just didn't think RJL was that kind of a guy. RJL?? Wow. That is one cool name. It kind of sounds like "Rrrjjjlll." You know, that kind of sounds like Roger! That's IT! I'll call him Roger! How cool is that?

Who's the bomb? Harry's the bomb.

Oooh. Staff room table meeting...

7:30 PM

AlbusD: Severus, please come out from under there and join us at the table.

(Snape crawls out from under the table. Professors Sinistra and Vector giggle uncontrollably...again. Harry Potter ROLLS HIS EYES)

AD: Because I am eccentric and energetic, despite my old age, I have decided--in order to keep things unpredictable around here—to give you all a special quiz for Job Day!

McGonagall: Today is Job Day?

AD: It is now.

SevSnape: groans This brings back so many bad memories of high school.

RemusL: You're a wizard, Severus.

SevSnape: mock surprise I'm a what?

RL: A wizard—which means you never went to high school.

SS: Still...I can imagine how high schoolers might feel...

(Remus Lupin ROGER shrugs and takes a quiz from the table. A hand slowly reaches from under the table, it grabs a quiz. A paper airplane is thrown at Harry Potter's head. He opens the paper airplane.)

Here's the quiz Harry, but you might want to know that they can see you from where you are sitting

Hermione

What is your name?

Harry James Potter aka The-Boy-Who-Lived aka Scarhead aka Daniel Radcliffe...ahem.

Are you a doer, or a planner?

I'm a human being.

Is the glass half full, or half empty?

My glass is ¾ of the way through, but it had cherry coke in it, you know. Cherry is red. I once ate a red jelly bean off the floor. I thought it was cherry, but it wasn't. It was just really, really icky. And I think it may have permanently damaged my liver, but that's OK. I save the world. What do I need a liver for?

Where do you see yourself in five years?

I see myself on a couch eating potato chips, and being worshipped by wizards everywhere. Professor Snape will be my personal slave, and I will call him monkey, and he will do my bidding because he is my personal slave.

DO NOT WRITE ON THIS PART OF THE TEST

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHA AHAHHAHAHA

Oops.

Results:

a) director of a mental institution

b) Fry Cook

c) Jelly Belly Mascot

AD: Well, everyone??

RL: Mine says I should've joined the circus when I was twelve years old.

SS: Mine says I should be the driver of a hearse.

LariVector: Hey! Mine says I should be a mortician! Cool!

(SS and LV give each other high fives)

McG: What does yours say, Albus?

AD: Well...mine says I should've been...acomicbookguy.

RL: A what?

AD: A comic book guy...you know...they own their own comic book stores. And they're antisocial...and really obsessed with comics.

(Vector and Sinistra giggle a strangled giggle.)

RL: Well guys (eyes dart suspiciously) I'd better go...you know...I've got things to do. And potions to drink wink wink So...I'm just gonna...go.

AD: Whatever.

7:57 PM

So...Lupin.

His name is Roger.

What??

Roger.

Whatever.

Anyways...Remus Lupin is a man, not afraid to say disparaging things about his co-workers.

He is extremely mysterious. I think he has some big secret that I most likely will figure out before everyone else.

And, rumor has it, he really did get shot out of a cannon in the circus.

WILL YOU KIDS GET OUT OF HERE???

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~